I find myself at an impass, again I am for going things that mean a lot to me once again to make someone that I don't even like happy. And we are all at fault for the things we do I will not blame one person in this matter. For we are all equally to blame. I feel a heavy burden for the things I may have done or may not have done. Were we stupid in how we handle this? My answer Hell yes we where down right idiotic, I'm not saying we should have stood in a circle and held hands and sang Kumbiya cause that wouldn't have worked any better. I guess there where certain things done to each person that shouldn't have been, certain things written that shouldn't have been.... It's a long road of he said she said or I wrote they wrote. And it all comes down to one stupid moment were we all stopped pretending and let everything we where feeling be known. I'm not saying we should have kept on the way we were going and pretending like nothing was wrong but maybe taking a better path to figuring things out.
More to the point of what I'm trying to say is that I surrender every part of what once was that I was clinging to I relinquish to you. You win as simple as that. And as far as I'm concerned he is not my best friend I don't even know that person anymore and quite frankly I don't want to know him.
I'll take a step back and admit that I was wrong in this whole matter I was desperately clinging to something that had long gone left me. I tired to make it go back to the way it was but I'm alright and I'm moving on with my life. I may have been ridiculous in my attempt to keep a friendship alive that really I was the only one that wanted it. But you know what I'm over it, I made mistakes I happily admit that. And I never thought I'd say this but you are most certainly right most of the pain I am feeling I brought on myself, I let myself seeth and seeth until I couldn't come up for air. I had never suffered such a loss in my life and the pain was the only thing that let me know it was really happening and that I wasn't imagining it.
And I do thank you for using the things you write to wake me from the most certain piece of a mess I was. Let's not be frank I read what you write and you read what I write. I enjoy reading what you have to say a lot of is filled with wisdom and light. And I realize that the dark parts that you write are directed towards me and my last intention is to make anyone feel dark and pain cause I wouldn't wish that on anyone, no matter how much we may not like each other or how great our differences are no one deserves to hurt.
I am truly happy for the first time in my life a lot of things have changed for me and I've met someone special who makes me feel good about myself and he teaches me things I would never know otherwise. I've got a lot of things ahead of me that are looking great and I'm excited about it. I'm glad to hear that you are happy and that the both of you are happy. Why would I want you guys to not be happy? But just so you know nothing will change the love I have for that family, they are one of the most amazing families I have ever known and I've grown to love and cherish every part of them, every single one of them will always and forever hold a place in my heart. So again thank you for helping me realize how stupid I was being on the matter.
I found myself at a fork in the road and one was leading me down the path of the past and the other the future, I will and always will choose the path that leads me to the future, for we cannot change the past, we cannot change the events from the past. And we cannot know how much or how little the words we write or say will impact someone significantly.
" Forgiving and letting go are on our steps to happiness."
I choose to forgive myself for my actions, because I cannot forgive others before I am fully forgiven by myself.
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