Hello's Are Hard, Goodbye's Are Easy.

I keep thinking things are going to get easier. But who am I kidding life isn't easy and it isn't going to be. I find that I will never understand the full extent of things and even then I do not give up in trying to figure out endings and pick things out that may have important significance.

I'm trying to recall when things got hard and things started to confuse me and when I became such a dull headed idiot. When did friendships become so strained and hello's became harder than goodbyes. I'm so accustomed to goodbye's it seems, which when I really think about it is so sad. I barely allow my self to open up cause I'm always ready for someone to leave or for me to leave. Maybe its because I'm so crazy and I've never been one for staying in a single place for to long. I'm a restless soul by nature I like new things, new places, new people and new disasters. I'm a fan of new beginning and change and a hater of things that stay the same. But yet I sometimes long for things to go back to there old ways. Why is that?

there are so many different things now in my life, and i love them, i love the mystery of my future and of the unknown. i think about my past sometimes and i used to hash it over in my head and want to take things back. but if i did i wouldn't be who i am today or where i am today. someone said things happen for a reason, i believe that, every word. even though sometimes we feel that the bad is the only thing that is happening to us, the good things find its way through. the good moments that make you feel special and make the bad things seem insignificant.

i figured out that i was trying to find myself through other people for the longest time. and i got to the point where i was so lost that i couldn't get from point a to point b. after a while i realized i'm the only one who can be me and though i may be blunt, straight forward and a bit to truthful sometimes qualities that people seem to really dislike. I really don't care what others think. i've been pushed to the point past breaking and i've come up so much better of a person than i used to be. i am more free and so content with the person I am that if people don't like me than thats to bad for them. i'm not going to change for anyone or anything.

"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.” – Rita Mae Brown