For My Best Friend

We all suffer losses in our lives, some have no impact, yet others have such a great impact that they feel as though they have created a giant whole in the center of our lives.

The most devastating thing to lose is love. Love is a one in a kind find and to feel it ripped from your hands with no chance of having it return is one of life's most painful, painful losses.

It may be the love of a parent, sibling, friend, or significant other. No matter who its from it still hurts once its gone. I've been dealing with a lot of losses of love lately, not just my own but my friends losses too. Even though she isn't physically with me I feel her pain the 3,000 miles we are apart and it hurts. It's even worse because I can't be there to give her a hug or just that reassuring smile. Its worse because I know she is hurting and all I can do is try to help her through with my words and my experience of loss.

I can't sugar coat things its not my way of nature, I am blunt person and sometimes people tell me I'm insensitive but would you rather have the truth than a lie. I would! Loss does not go away, it will always be there. The pain may dull but at certain moments in your day, week, or month you feel it. Maybe looking at something that reminded you of the person you lost or just hearing a song on the radio you can always feel it in your heart. It sucks. Time heals all wounds is something I hear often, personally I believe that is the biggest crock of shit. Time dulls all wounds should be what is said. Cause nothing ever goes away fully.

I feel like there is a lot of love being lost recently not just for me but for a lot of the people I know as well. Between parents and their children, between husband and wife, between friends, between significant others. I still try and grasp the concept of saying I Love You to someone. I can't say it that easily, yeah to my family and my 2 or 3 close friends. But to a guy, hell no those words have never crossed my lips.

I'm not very good with my words as it is. But my best friend told me something that is bugging me she said, "I guess he just fell out of love." How do you do that? How does someone stop loving someone else. I can't fathom that. Maybe I'm naive or stupid to think that love is an unconditional thing that once you give to someone there are no take backs.

There might be a lot of incoherent rambling through out this I know but I'm trying to make sense of one of the most confusing subjects in life. Love and broken hearts go hand in hand as sad as it seems. I may not be the smartest person but I do know pain and broken heartedness. And it hurts, if you have never felt it well then you are lucky. Let me give you an example; it feels like someone sets your insides on fire and just watches you burn alive from the inside out. You don't want to eat, you don't sleep, you don't shower. You lay in bed all day listening to music and sometimes watching reruns of the Gilmore Girls.

Losses are apart of life. And people may talk about closure like its an actual thing, a thing that you can hold in the palm of your hand. But closure takes time. Everything takes time. It may be weeks, months, or years but you will feel lighter and pieced together eventually.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to things you do not want to feel.

To My Best Friend:

Just know that I love you and I am always here no matter how far away I am, I will always be your best friend and you will always be mine. I have confided things in you that I would trust no other soul with. You shared your secrets and I shared mine and you are always tucked deep in the corners of my heart. I love you unconditionally no matter how broken and hurt you are you are special and strong and you will get through this battle because I believe in you and I will be with you every step of the way.