There's No Revenge Here. Love Doesn't Hate Back.

when hurt turns red and a piece of your heart is missing. when the cold bites deep and you've got that feeling like you just got out of surgery. when the only way to stay sane is to concentrate on anything else but how you feel. when you count the tiles in the ceiling. when you push the earphones closer. when the first day of winter arrives. when you remember every nuance of every word of every time. when all this happens. embrace it. feel every feeling. cry every tear. sob every sob. because this is what is feels like to have loved.

It's crazy how so many things change in little time. I've lost more things than I can count on both hands. But I've gained more knowledge. I've gained, as crazy as it sounds, more love. More love for myself and who I am. No longer am I bound by people's thoughts, words, or actions towards me. I've learned that the people that really matter won't hurt me and if they do they will always admit to it and apologize. I lost my heart and my insanity, in a matter of seconds. But I found it. I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I found that my family always has my back no matter how dark of a place I may be in and that they will care for me even when I don't get out of bed for days straight, or shower for long amounts of time or eat or sleep. They love me regardless of how screwed up I get. I realized that nothing is ever as it seems, and you can only wish so hard to have things go back to the way they where. No matter how hard I try to push something under the surface it will always fight its way to the top. I was astounded by my love of music and how it really can soothe an aching heart more than anything.

It's been a long past couple of months and I learned so much from them more than I believe I've learned in years of my life. So many lessons where taught to me from other people and also from myself. I still look back on past events and wish for a different outcome and wish that I wouldn't have let myself drowned in the undertow for so long when I know how to swim. And although I'm weary for my future and what's to come. I'm excited all the same there so much more for me to experience. There so much more for me than this podinky little town and hurtful surroundings. I've got a lot of work ahead of me but I know now that I have all the support and help from the people who matter the most in my life and they will encourage me and be there to see me succeed and prosper in this crazy thing called Life.